Family Gatherings

Well I got the dreaded email today. I knew it was coming so not sure why I was so surprised to see it in my inbox. My niece has a birthday coming up so I knew we would be getting an invitation for a birthday party. Let me just say that I HATE family gatherings. At least with my family anyway. I always feel like an outsider & that the only reason we were invited is out of obligation.

I am so envious of people with close families. The ones who do everything together & their siblings are really close friends. I'm not sure if it is because there is such an age difference between my brothers & I or that we really don't have much in common or what the deal is but I would not say that we are close at all.

I actually feel closer to other peoples families. I am much more comfortable when it is just MY family which to me is my husband & children. I don't mind spending time with my husband's family, they don't make me feel uncomfortable at all, & I actually feel like I belong there. I have the best MIL in the world. She treats me like one of her own kids. My FIL did also & we really miss him a lot. It has been almost 2 years now since he passed away.

I can't really explain why I feel this way about my family but it is the way I feel. It seems like everything I do is being judged & nothing is ever good enough but everything my brothers do is golden. At my age I would just rather not be where I am not welcome. I am perfectly happy being me & just hanging with MY family.

So I will go to the party & drink heavily to medicate to deal with my surroundings. This is my obligation since being invited.